Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.
-Maya Angelou
Dreadful topic, really. I know every one is different and has different opinions.
I get that. This is my blog, full of my opinions, whether they are good, bad, right, or wrong.
I never say or do anything to hurt anyone intentionally. That is not who I am or who I want to be.
In saying all that, please take what I say (my experiences) with a hefty grain of salt. Maybe a little humor, and a lot of Duh moments.
On to my topic for the day... Fitness/Health.
I have not always been "obese" or overweight. I know a lot of stories you hear start with, "I've struggled all my life". And while I feel for them, that is not my case. I'm not saying anything negative, do not take that sentence wrong. Just telling a story here folks...
Anywho, I started gaining a lot of weight after high school, when I had to drop out of school to take care of my father.
And while we are here, none of this is excuses.
I have had depression and anxiety since I was about 13. No idea what brought it on. I only got helped once and then my mother said "It's all in your head, you're fine"
No more meds (which made it all worse, so I was okay with that), no more therapy sessions, and no more Dr appts regarding mental health.
I don't resent her for this, both sides of my family are kind of anti-doctor/hospital. Strange considering all the health problems they all had. I sometimes wish it would have been different, but then it would change where I am today. Don't want that :)
Back to weight gain. After I dropped out of high school, I had to stay home a lot. I never really left the house. If I did, it was a walk to the library (sanity sake for me), or to the grocery store. And I was never to be gone for very long. Now while my dad was sick and couldn't take care of himself, my mother was just lazy. I mean that. Just lazy. She sat in the same spot every day (and slept there too), she wore a hole through the couch cushion. And a blanket. Plus she never showered. She says it was because she was depressed (all in my head). So, my depression got worse. And so did my weight gain! I tried like crazy to get out every day. Most days I could. I had to return books, so that was a good excuse. Others days, I stayed in my room a lot. I got up to 240 pounds!!
I was 17. A couple years go by like this and I lose some weight but not much.
Then comes my now husband. I had known him before this but I was now over 18 (he's 5 years older), and we started talking everyday. I had a cheap cell with a prepaid card for texting only. I had to if my parents needed me at home and I was at the library. It was $15 a month and that was asking for a lot to them. So, I just happened to remember his number, texted him one night (my heart was racing) and that's how it started. We would at the park, next to the library, and hang out.
You're getting a life story now lol
We met, fell in love, moved away, had a baby, and my depression and anxiety skyrocketed. Bad!! I was so confused and scared. It took a lot of doctor visits, therapy and meds. I am now more stable and better than ever. This was all about 7-8 years ago.
After I gave birth, I gained so much weight and before I got the professional help i needed, I worked my way up to 280 pounds. Then my father died.
That was the worst day of my life, it felt like. I was crushed.
I am now 306 pounds and 28 years old.
I have no illness, besides mental, and no bodily reason to not lose the weight. I miraculously do not have (thank the Lord) any disease my doctor thought I would with my weight and family history.
If you can think of a diet, plan, system, what have you... I have tried them. Except Keto. I refuse. Sorry not sorry!
This year is different. They always say that. But I have now paid a coach to help me and get back on track (any track to healthy, would be a good one). I have lost about 10 pounds and I am working hard to getting healthier and in a better place. Mentally and Physically.
I know this wasn't a lot about Fitness. Maybe I'll redo the title?!? But this is my life and my 'journey'. I'm sharing it with you. Not to help really, cause who am I helping.. Just sharing and letting go, as if to a diary or friend. It is on going and will always be. I want to be a good role model for my daughter. I know I am in other ways. We are a healthy family, I'm just not at my healthiest weight. I know that and I don't blame any one for it.
Well, that was long. Thanks for sticking through it, if you did.
I pray and wish all of you luck on your own journeys, fitness or otherwise!
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https://www.instagram.com/rustitchknits/
-K
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